He's All That
by Tracy Space Cowgirl
Summary: Tess bids on a date...


He's All That   
By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com) 

Rating: PG-PG13, I dunno.. 

Category: Kyle/Tess, little bits of all other couples. 

Summary: Tess and Kyle get together-via a date auction at the High School. 

Spoilers: "Surprise" was the last episode viewed. May contain a few spoilers for the episode impaired. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell, or any other of the wonky pop culture things I mention in this story. I   
have no money, so suing me would just be futile. 

Author's Note: I wrote this story in Response to Emily's "Making Up" challenge. Mr. Raddish did say it   
would be ok to write Kyle and Tess fics…so I whipped up this puppy….anyways…*steps up on soapbox*   
originally I could not stand Tess….but since they added the icky (in my opinion Courtney and Grant) I   
can deal with Tess being a part of the Pod Squad. This is my first Tess centric (Tess POV even) fic, and   
I would appreciate some feedback if y'all like it… 

*** 

I must be the most insane woman on God's green Earth. 

Make that the most insane alien female on God's green Earth. 

I am actually going out on a date with Kyle Valenti. 

And that's not the bad part. I paid for him. 

Money. Real money. 

And no, I'm not using him as my private gigolo. 

*** 

It all started when West Roswell High announced their first annual Bachelor's Auction. Yep, they decided   
it would be a good thing to auction off all the upper-class males to raise money for a new scoreboard in   
the gym. And us, the lucky female population is the ones who have to pay for the disgusting stupid males. 

Can't you tell how excited I am? 

It was actually pretty funny to watch the guys' reactions. Max just hung his head in his hands, predicting   
that Liz and I would have a bidding war over him (And to be honest, that's what I thought would happen).   
Michael just scowled, in typical Michael fashion. And Alex begged Isabel to bid on him (as well as Liz,   
Maria, and myself). The poor woozle was horrified over not being bid on. Isabel assured him that   
wouldn't happen. 

Kyle, my arrogant house mate, swatted around like a peacock. He knows that the majority of the female   
population will spend all of their well earned money just to bask in his presence. 

I swear, living with Kyle and his father is like a bad episode of "Three's Company". And Kyle would   
definitely play the Chrissy role. 

Poor Budda Boy. 

*** 

So, the morning of the auction assembly dawned. 

Kyle put on what he considers to be his most dashing outfit- a blue oxford shirt, and jeans. Hey, I never   
said the boy had fashion sense. 

In fact, according to Maria-- the boy has the fashion sense of a chia pet. 

So, I headed up with chia haired air head and went to the male sale. I put my checkbook in my pocket so   
I could bid on Max, or maybe Alex if by some small miracle Isabel forgot the nerdo existed. 

Michael was the first of our little clique to be auctioned off. 

Maria won him, after bidding fiercely with that creepy waitress, Courtney. 

Liz, Isabel, and I hooted. 

I just can't stand that Courtney. What a...well, you know. 

After a few of Kyle's disgusting jock friends, Alex was up for bids. 

Isabel bid on him first, and I chipped in a small bid, wanting to inflate his ego a little. 

Of course, Isabel outbid me and won. 

Max was next. 

And what happened, I really can't explain. 

Liz bid on Max of course. 

But I didn't. 

I just couldn't. 

I watched Max and Liz smile at each other. And I thought of what a royal jerk I've been since I've got   
here. What have I done but caused a fairy tale romance to crash? 

Big fat nothin! 

I broke up Barbie and Ken, for goodness sake. 

So for the first time since I came to Roswell, I did something right. 

I didn't bid on Max. I let Liz get her guy. 

And for some reason, I felt really good. For the first time in my life. 

I guess aliens do have a conscience. 

*** 

What happened next is even weirder. 

Kyle, being the most popular guy to the endless lemmings at West Roswell, was the last guy to be   
auctioned off. 

The bids flew. It went as high as three hundred dollars. 

"All that?" I thought "For a guy who farts excessively in the morning and can belch the national anthem?" 

Pam Troy upped the bid to 350 dollars. 

Then I heard another voice, "400 hundred dollars." 

Pam bid 450 dollars. 

The voice responded, "500 dollars". 

"550!" Pam yelled. 

"One thousand dollars!" the voice sounded. 

Imagine my surprise when the principal pulled me up on the stage and presented me with the guy I won.   
Kyle Valenti. 

*** 

I'm staring at my reflection in the mirror. Tonight's the night of my big date. 

Not like I've ever really had a date. I've been too Max and destiny obsessed to even think about other   
guys. 

I never even bought one of those teeny bopper magazines with pictures full of Jonathan Brandis, or   
Jonathan Taylor Thomas, or Joey Lawrence. Instead, I had a box full of Max Evans pictures. 

And even though I've been assaulted by drunk leering jocks trying to get with me, I've resisted them. 

The only thing I've had that's even remotely date-like was that trip to the library with Kyle. 

And tonight, I'm going on my first date with that burrito loving, flatulent full, arrogant Valenti boy. 

What in the heck was I thinking? 

I stare at my reflection. I hope I look okay. 

My hair is all done up-- Amy did it up for me in a French Twist. Maria's so lucky to have a mother like   
her. 

I'm wearing a long black dress with spaghetti straps, and heels that I borrowed from Liz. 

Hopefully, I look ok. 

What does it matter? It's Kyle for goodness sake. I've seen all of the disgusting male rituals he practices   
on a daily basis. 

So why am I feeling all fluttery inside? 

And an even better question-- why did I spend a thousand bucks on the guy I can't usually wait to get   
away from. 

He knocks on the door. 

It used to be his room, but now it's mine. He gave it to me. I giggle thinking about how funny he must feel   
knocking on his own door. 

I open the door, and my jaw hits the ground. 

He's wearing a suit. 

And dang, the boy looks good. 

"Be silent, Be still." I repeat to myself. "You are an alien who is immune to human emotions." 

Yeah, right. 

He holds out a single red rose to me. 

And I literally melt. Puddle of Tess goo. 

I'm gonna kill Maria for letting me borrow all those cheesy romance novels. 

Jim takes a roll of pictures of us. I have a suspicion they will go in the big Rubbermaid box of photos   
Jim keeps in his closet. He's got pictures all the way from Kyle's birth up to the present. The Sheriff is   
really a big old softy. 

*** 

We go to the Chinese restaurant. It's the fanciest restaurant in Roswell. Sad, I know. 

But it's actually really romantic. 

Kyle is really nice and sweet when he's away from the jock goons. 

He's funny too. 

After dinner, we walk past the elementary school playground. 

He pushes me on the swing. 

Then he gets up on the jungle gym and screams "I'm the King of the Jungle Gym!" like Leonardo DiCaprio   
does in Titanic. 

We walk along the deserted streets of Roswell. At times, this tiny town can actually be quite peaceful. 

I pull Kyle aside when we hit the park. 

"Let's dance," I say. 

"Okay. But there's no music." 

I use my powers to zap up music and disco lighting. 

Hey, Max cued me in to the power of streetlights. 

"I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman." Kyle says, dipping me. "Well…except for the whole   
hooker thing." 

I laugh. "So you actually enjoyed She's All That?" I say, referring to the video which I'd rented last   
week and forced him to watch. 

"No, I just really emulate Julia Roberts." 

"Valenti!" I squeak. "You're crazy." 

"Only about you." he whispers. 

"Wha…Wha…What did you say?" 

He looks deep into my eyes. It's the same "soulmates" look that Liz and Max, Michael and Maria, and   
Isabel and Alex share. 

"You haven't guessed yet, Harding? I've had a thang for you for quite some time." 

"Ok…don't go all Dawson's Creek on me, Valenti." 

He stares at me blankly. "I'm serious, Tess. I've liked you for a long time. Before and after I found out   
you were out of this world." 

I smile back at him. 

"I like you too." 

He smiles. "I thought you did after you paid a thousand dollars. You know, you could've gotten it for   
free." 

"For a long time…I thought my future was already planned out for me…that I had no control over it. But   
since…well since…well…suddenly I realized that this is my life, and the only one who can live it is me. And   
I'd better enjoy it." 

He nodded. 

"So…" 

He cuts me off with a kiss. 

When I can speak-- which is quite a while later-- I smile at him. 

"You're all that, Valenti. You're all that." 

He, grins conspiring with me. "And you're my bag of chips." 

I cut off his corny talk with another kiss. 


End file.
